


Not One of Us

by Fluffysminion



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Port Keys, The Tall and the Smalls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-18 01:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21819811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffysminion/pseuds/Fluffysminion
Summary: Born in greed, raised in hate,Helpless to defy his fate,Let him run, let him live;but do not forget what we can not forgive.





	1. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaspar has outgrown their home, and it is time for the family to move on

“Y’sure y’want t’do this lud? We c’stay if y’want, or th’may be anuther ship…” Karger hesitated before the back entrance of the spaceport, with the lines in his face highlighted by the amber light he looked as apprehensive as Jaspar felt.

“I’m sure. There aren’t going to be any better options, not now at any rate. And I can’t stay here any longer, there isn’t anywhere left for me to hide.” A bit of an exaggeration, but still worryingly close to the truth. Most of their boltholes and safehouses he barely fit in now, even after dropping his antlers. When they next started to grow back he’d be seriously short of options. “Same goes for you too you know. You can stay if that’s what you want. I won’t force you to come with me.”

Karger’s exasperated look made it quite clear that he didn’t believe that needed a response.

“Sorry. Just thought I should remind you it’s an option, in case you’d finally got fed up of putting up with me.” Jaspar looked back at the alley he’d crawled through to get here, embarrassed to meet Karger’s eyes. He started to chew on his lip as well; but managed to catch himself before he dislodged any of the scabs.

Then Karger’s hand was on his arm, gently tugging at it to encourage him to start moving again. “Come on. T’s enough ‘f that.” If he was still annoyed, it didn’t tell in his voice. He maintained the contact even after Jaspar resumed walking, silent and reassuring as they headed for the shuttle bay, where Nikota was waiting with the ship that would take them out of Port Keys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No amount of time spent living together can entirely overcome the fact that they are both awkward people


	2. A Scent Like Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone willing to let something like Jaspar on their ship is bound to be odd.

The shuttle journey was quiet, after sealing Jaspar (and Nikota and Karger, at their request) in the rear compartment the crew made no attempt to communicate with their passengers. From the windowless hold it was difficult to tell what was going on outside, though after a time the vessel shuddered and jerked which they presumed meant it had docked with its parent ship, “Another Man’s Treasure”.

“My my my, let’s have a look at you then!” The ship’s captain, a plump woman who had insisted they refer to her as just Madame Captain, was pacing impatiently outside the shuttle in front of six considerably less enthusiastic guards. Despite her large size she moved with purpose and grace that suggested there was a decent amount of muscle under the fat.

Jaspar swallowed, feeling very much like one of the menagerie beasts the nobility of Juno had been rumoured to parade around the upper levels of the hive to impress each other. He really didn’t like the way she stared as he awkwardly crawled out of the shuttle. Perhaps it was just that it was different from the disgust and fear he’d come to expect, but he felt more exposed and vulnerable than he had in a long time. Under her gaze he stood up cautiously; and was relieved to find that the space was tall enough that he didn’t have to stoop.

Madame Captain gasped, then started coughing. “That is- distinctive. Can’t say I wasn’t warned, but wow. Not what I was expecting”

Jaspar scowled down at her, arms folded. “Are you done?”

“That really is the real thing isn’t it?” She turned to Nikota and Karger, who had just emerged from the shuttle. “You know I’ve been a fan of the stories told at Port Keys for years but I never thought there was anything to them. And yet! Rarely am I so pleased to be proved wrong.” Jaspar glared at her, but either she didn’t notice or she didn’t care. Instead she smiled and went to put an arm around Nikota, though she withdrew her arm after making contact her smile never dropped. “Well, let’s get this secured and then I can show you to your rooms. I’m sure you’ll find them to your satisfaction.”

Nikota refused to move when the captain tried to lead her away. “No. We’re stayin together. M’not leavin him alone.”

“You don’t trust me?” Her hands covered her chest in a gesture of mock indignation. “Well after the interest I’ve shown I can hardly blame you. But fear not, I thought you’d feel that way and the quarters I’ve assigned you are right next to the holding area. I recognise that you didn’t get to where you are in your career path by taking people at their word.”

Nikota looked up at Jaspar to check how he felt about it, when he nodded she followed the captain. Karger trailed behind with Jaspar, looking like he wished he could just sink through the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason Jaspar doesn't enjoy being told that he smells.


	3. Almost Tame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaspar finds out how he'll be spending the journey.

The procession moved far slower than Jaspar was comfortable with. Not that they were moving particularly slowly, for the others it looked like a comfortable pace. But for Jaspar it meant a lot of stopping and starting, something made even more frustrating by the fact that the guards were travelling close enough behind him that they passed him whenever he stopped. They were all young, well-muscled individuals so he was sure they’d be fine if he were to accidentally kick one, but he didn’t want to offend their host so he was very careful about where he put his feet.

He was so focused on this that he initially failed to notice that the people in front of him had stopped. The doors before them were much like many of the ones between sections of the vessels that formed Port Keys, but unlike those the complicated mechanism that allowed tech priests to command them was still intact. The smell of incense reached him as the doors ground open, giving him his first look at the space he’d be living in for the duration of the journey.

It was big, he’d give it that much. He left Madame Captain explaining to Nikota the breadth of her experience in transporting live animals and stepped into the room. It looked as if it had once housed another shuttle like the one they’d arrived on, some of the docking fixtures were still present, and there were patches around which he presumed covered areas where they had taken them out. The space smelled strongly of the dried plant material covering the floor, unfamiliar but not unpleasant. He could touch the ceiling but only if he reached for it, which was good. Enough space that he should still be able to stand comfortably if his antlers started coming through before they arrived, or if they’d calculated his rations wrong and he grew during the journey.

His thoughts were interrupted by the clang and crunch of the doors locking into place. On this side, they were completely smooth. For the first time it hit him that he wasn’t just humouring them. Opening doors like those on the station had been a struggle, and he’d had to use the remnants of the dead door machine to do so. With an active machine spirit and nothing to grab hold of he didn’t think he could force the doors if he tried.

“Jaspar.” Something in Nikota’s voice caught his attention more urgently than his name. She was standing by the far wall with the captain and her guards, and attached to one of the remaining fixtures above them was a thick length of chain, the bulk of which was coiled on the floor between them. It ended in a collar. The captain was looking at her expectantly but Nikota was stuck staring at the restraints, her expression one of dread.

“It’s ok little one, you don’t have to do anything.” He walked over on all fours and picked up the collar, turning it over in his hands. It was heavy, made of two pieces of metal with a hinge, no evidence to suggest it might contain any technology. It was well worn though; both the inner and outer surfaces were covered in scratches. He caught Nikota’s worried expression and lifted the chain over his back and eased the collar shut around his neck. No sense drawing it out.

“That is impressive, so well behaved! I see why you said this was unnecessary Nikota. Believe me I mean you no disrespect by insisting on this. I’ve learned not to take chances when the warp is concerned, warp madness is dangerous enough in people.” The captain reached her pudgy hands up to Jaspar’s neck to lock the collar, her arms so close to his face he could smell them. He was trembling, and something of his inner conflict must have shown on his face because she thought better of patting his cheek when she was done.

“Now if you’ll follow me we can get to the exciting part! Your rooms are just through here…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't eat the host don't eat the host don't eat the host


	4. A Taste for Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always, Jaspar is hungry.

Only Karger remained behind when the captain chivvied Nikota through a small door next to the one they’d entered through. Jaspar sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as he listened to the sound of the woman’s incessant chatter fade into the distance, the taste of blood in his mouth only aggravating him further.

Silence. Tension released. He screamed a wordless cry of frustration and slammed his fist into the wall. Karger flinched.

“Sorry Karger sorry I didn’t mean to-” Words and thoughts were tumbling around in his head as he fought to calm himself down. “She looked so good and was so close and I could smell her Karger I could smell her she was right there.” Breathe, calm. “I’m just so hungry”

Karger stepped forward, his expression one of pity. But he hesitated, and Jaspar wasn’t sure whether it was due to concern that his proximity would make things worse or fear of another outburst. It hurt, but he didn’t want Karger to see that so he smiled instead. “I know, I’m always hungry. And it wouldn’t have been so hard if I didn’t hate her so much. She’s a terrible person but she’d taste so good.”

Sighing, Karger moved over and leaned on Jaspar’s arm. “Yer lip’s bleedin agun. Why’d y’do this t’y’self Jaspar?” Karger’s body was warm, comforting. Appetising.

“In general? I don’t know. But this time… I couldn’t let Nikota put those, put the chains on me.” The metal around his neck is still cold but already the weight of it feels like it is digging into his shoulders. “She looked so heartbroken. I just couldn’t do that to her.”

Karger nodded and stood a while in silence before replying. “She thinks a lot f’y. Bes’ thin y’can do f’her’s t’look after y’self. She’ll worry otherwise.”

“I know. But I nearly ruined everything. Part of me wishes I had. Just reminds me that it’d be so much easier for you without me.” The flow of blood has stopped, which is simultaneously a relief and a disappointment.

“T’would. But th’s not what she wants.” Jaspar wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but he knew Karger didn’t need him to.


	5. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being big also means being loud, it turns out.

Some length of time later Nikota returned, having freed herself from the captain’s enthusiastic hospitality. She entered the room calmly, still wearing her suffering smile, but as soon as the door closed she dropped the act and ran over.

“I’m so sorry, I tried t’tell her, I tried-” Her apologies were muffled when she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his hair.

“Hey! It’s not that bad little one, I’m alright see. Nothing to be sorry about.” She was running panicked all over his neck and it really tickled, but he just about managed to remain serious. He stroked her hair, and when she started to relax a bit he eased her back a bit so he could look into her eyes.

“Liar.” She sniffed and took a moment to collect herself. “I heard y’scream through there. I think half t’ship did. Yer pretty loud y’know.”

“Oh.” It shouldn’t have surprised him really. But he wasn’t good at thinking things through when he was stressed.

She smiled, more reassured by his embarrassment than his attempts to tell her that everything was ok. “’M gunna bring sum’f t’stuff through, make it more comf’tble here. But I’ll be back soon, alright?”

“Of course. Why would I think you wouldn’t be?”

“I dunno. But yer good at findin thoughts to hurt y’self with so I thought I’d be sure.” She hugged him again, and when she stepped back the shine in her eyes told him that she was at least partially joking.

As she left she tilted her head questioningly at Karger, who followed with only a few quiet murmurs of protest. Jaspar watched them go with the faint stab of panic he always felt when they left his sight.


	6. Voice of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaspar tries to distract himself from thinking about the fact that he's hungry and people are tasty.

With his family gone, Jaspar had nothing better to do than test the bounds of his confinement. He shifted the collar so the chain ran down his back, it was not any more comfortable but at least the chain was less in the way.

He was attached to the opposite wall from the doors and he was only able to get about three quarters of the way across the room before the collar stopped him. That left a strip that he couldn’t reach at all, which seemed surprisingly sensible. He had to give the woman some credit for getting that right.

There was the familiar stab of pain in his stomach as he paced. It was the waiting that he feared the most, not the cage or the chains that bothered Nikota so. Without other things to occupy him hunger pressed upon his mind, he lacked the strength of will to ignore it. He knew that there was food, plenty of it, just the other side of those doors no doubt. But the knowledge was no comfort, if anything the frustration of what he wanted being just out of reach made it worse. His body didn’t understand the nebulous promise of future food, he was hungry now.

He shook his head, trying to shake the memory of the captain and her guards from his head. He was better than this. Without the work of hunting to distract him he fell back upon older techniques to drive the thoughts from his head. There were many hyms and prayers he had learned by rote in the youth of his first life that even now came to mind more readily than the longing thoughts of hunger. Though now he viewed the deity they called upon to be a hostile one to be feared, few things had been drilled into him as thoroughly as the imperial faith.

So Jaspar sang. He sang with a different voice to the one he had when he was taught them, he could hit few of the same notes and had to shift everything considerably lower so that he was able to sing it at all. It was a lot rougher too, garbled by the fact that his predator’s teeth were frequently where muscle memory told him his tongue ought to be. He probably sounded awful, but with no-one to complain he sung hymns of inner strength and resisting temptation, righteous hatred and purging the mutant. Anything, anything at all to keep the hunger at bay.


	7. Making Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikota and Karger reject their nicely made up rooms in favour of Jaspar's cell

By the time Nikota finally emerged Jaspar had grown tired of pacing, so she found him sitting at the very limit of the chain, eyes fixed on the door. His face lit up as he saw her, and he momentarily forgot that he was restrained and tried to bound forwards to greet her. The chain creaked but held, the metal collar dug into his neck leaving him spluttering for breath as he crashed to the floor.

Tires clattered to the floor as Nikota rushed over. Jaspar smiled up at her apologetically from his undignified position on the floor. “I know, I know, I’m an idiot.” Still breathing heavily he winced as he pulled the collar away from his neck to give himself a little more space to breathe.

“I didn’t say ‘nythin. M’pressed though, I thought t’chain w’s gunna snap f’r a moment there.”

“Really? Because it felt to me like my neck was going to give before anything like that happened. The flesh is weak, as they say.” He grimaced, it was a reminder that despite his size he was still only human, still flesh and blood. He was no angel, fallen or otherwise. 

Karger stepped carefully over and around the scattered tires, probing the ground with his foot before committing his weight to it. “Y’lright lud?” His face was hidden by the sack he was carrying and there was strain in his voice, but Jaspar was certain that was due mostly to the effort involved in keeping his balance.

“Yeah, it hurts a bit but not as bad as the hunger.”

Nikota still looked concerned. “Th’t’s not very re’ssuring, knowing you” She took over examining his neck, with small hands and delicate whiskers. “But t’s not too bad. Y’ll live.”  
He chuckled, dislodging one of the rats that was still sniffing around. Nikota managed to catch it, and it scurried up her arm to rejoin the others. “Good to know.”

Smiling Nikota almost hugged his neck, before thinking better of it and settled for scratching the base of his antlers instead. “Try not’t jump out’f yer skin ev’ry time I come back.” She hurried off to move the tires out of Karger’s way, flashing him an apologetic grin that he was too preoccupied with the luggage to notice.

Jaspar shuffled backwards so that he could sit up, and he watched with frustration as Karger struggled with the heavy bag just out of reach. Eventually he managed to set it down, and came over to check on Jaspar.

Jaspar opened his arms and carefully pulled Karger into a hug, when there were no protests Jaspar lifted him up and cradled him in his arms. “You seemed to be struggling there, is your back bad again? Is this helping?”

Karger shifted around a little, then nodded. “T’s gud lud, t’s gud.” 

Jaspar carried him over to the wall, the floor was uncomfortable, but he was able to position himself such that he could relax without dropping Karger on the floor. 

After a lot of effort from Nikota the rooms were stripped, and everything that would fit through the door was relocated to Jaspar’s cell. The space was still mostly empty, but with the bedding brought through there were enough soft things to make a pile that was almost comfortable to curl up on. Jaspar did so as soon as he was able, though he it proved more difficult than he anticipated with the chain. Karger lay down in the shelter of Jaspar’s arms, pressed up against Jaspar’s chest. 

Nikota, meanwhile, was concerned with the chain around Jaspar’s neck. “We’re gunna want t’pad t’with sumthin, ‘therwise it’ll hurt. S’it tight?”

“No, it’s not too bad. No need to worry about it.” He considers saying that he’s glad of it, but he doesn’t think that would go down well. “But I am hungry. I know it’s early but could you get me some food?” He swallows, he hates begging but the hunger is worse than the embarrassment. “Even if it’s just a leg or something?”

“We’ve got sumun f’y’t’eat but they’re still frozen. The’should be thawed by morning.” She took a pillowcase from the pile and wrapped it around the collar. Jaspar made no attempt to stop her, he merely scowled at the idea of waiting and sticking to the schedule he had helped come up with.

“I don’t mind if they’re frozen. Please Nikota.” He did want to stick to the plan, but he also wanted to eat, and at that moment he wanted the latter more.

She flung her arms around his neck and grabbed handfuls of his hair, hiding her face against his cheek. “It’s not fair, I hate to see you like this. But I can’t help, you know I can’t.”  
“Y’know it’s always worst when yer worked up about sumthin. Y’jus need t’calm down a bit.” Jaspar couldn’t see Karger, but he could feel him settling down, and his steady breathing was comforting.

He put his hand around Nikota (she was so small now!) “You’re right, I know. I shouldn’t ask that of you. It just hurts so much.” His words felt empty, inadequate. But he didn’t think there were words to describe the emptiness, and the way it demanded most of his attention. He had tried to describe his hunger, with all the words he knew, but he didn’t think they’d every truly understood. He didn’t think he would have been able to understand, before it.

“That’s not the problem and you know it. You’re always hungry. You don’t need to protect us by lying and pretending everything’s ok. We’re going to try to help either way, you might as well make it easier for everyone by saying what’s wrong. Besides, your words can lie but your scent can’t, you smell scared.” She spoke softly, her voice carrying disapproval but also pity. 

Jaspar sighed, his breath disturbing Karger’s hair. “Fine, yes, I’m scared. I’m trapped and powerless and if something were to happen to you there’s nothing I could do.” He swallowed. “And… I don’t want to hurt you. But if I do lose control, when I’m caged here and there’s no-one else around… That scares me more than anything.”

“Well I’m not worried about that. If you were going to eat us you would have done so by now. Besides, remember the time you nearly starved to death because you were too awkward to tell Karger you couldn’t eat his cooking?” She let go of him then and stepped back so that he could see her teasing grin. Karger snorted in amusement.

“Hey, that’s not how I remember it.” Jaspar’s stomach growled, but the place was starting to smell like home and he was beginning to relax despite the continuing pain.  
She paused in a mocking gesture of thought before declaring. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.”

“Oh really?” He moved fast, taking her legs out from under her, catching her and pulling her and Karger into a hug. “You’re not going to reconsider?”

“I think she’s won this one. She got you t’change the subject.” 

Jaspar relaxed his grip on them and gently pressed his face against them “Thank you, both of you. I love you both so much. I’ll do my best to let you help, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before they set off Jaspar was very concerned about growing too big and getting stuck on the spaceship, and carefully planned out when to eat so he'd grow as little as possible. Which of course he immediately regrets.


	8. Dawn of the First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaspar's morning routine.

They passed an anxious night of fitful sleep in a pile by the wall. Jaspar woke frequently, often violently, startled from haunted dreams by the sounds of chains or the unexpected contact with cold metal. Nikota and Karger were pulled in close each time he woke in panic, and pushed away by his thrashing whenever he fell back into nightmares. They stayed with him, as always, too used to sleeping as a group to consider going off alone.

He was woken in the morning by the smell of cooked breakfast and recaff. He blinked his eyes open to see Karger, up, dressed, and standing in front of his face holding out a tray of something hot and a mug of recaff. “Whah?”

Rats scrabbled against his arm as Nikota extracted her legs from under his chin. “Don’t worry, it’s not for you.” She took her breakfast from Karger and set about making herself comfortable on Jaspar’s shoulder.

Jaspar lifted his head up a little, spitting the ash out of his mouth. “That smells good, like it might even have animals in it.” He wiped the ash and spit from where it has cemented to his face overnight. He hated it when that happened.

“Yeah, we’ve been given access to the officer’s mess, since we’re high priority passengers and all.”

“They weren’t very friendly. Jus kept their distance and stared. I think they were scared I’d let you out to eat them if they said the wrong thing.”

“If only.” A pleasant thought, that is soured by the foul taste of ash when he finds himself licking his lips. There are few things he finds as unpleasant as the feeling of ash on his tongue. “Bleh! There’s not anywhere to wash in here is there?”

Karger shook his head. “’Ve br’ught sum water through, but th’t’s all.”

Jaspar sighed, and his shoulder was suddenly full of tiny claws as Nikota regained her balance. “By the throne I miss showers.” He recalls fondly a time that never happened, when he lay in a hot bath and the only thing he felt was relief that he was no longer hungry, and that Karger was there so he wouldn’t have to choose between that and his family. “Do you think there will be showers big enough for me on the planet?”

“’t’s meant t’have pools f’water th’t go on f’years. So I s’pose t’could have big showers too, f’they were made f’stones. Th’world’s mostly made f’stones.” Nikota was the one who had done the most research, but even she only had a very hazy picture of what their destination was like.

Jaspar wasn’t sure he could imagine a shower made of stone, but he also struggled to picture plants as wide as rooms and rocks as tall as an entire hivecity, both of which were apparently common on planets. So maybe they might find one. He was still trying to work out how one might work when Nikota slid off his shoulder, her breakfast finished.

Finally able to move Jaspar shrugged off his patchwork blanket, stretched and yawned. On mornings like this he missed recaff as well, though the smell of it now turned his stomach. He found his knife and the bucket of water Karger had brought and set about washing and shaving, working by touch rather than risking a mirror. He was very glad he’d kept the knife, he’d taken it from the body of the King in Bones intending to trade it. It had been huge then, long as a sword and too heavy to hold with one hand, but now it’s the only blade he can use. He wonders what its previous owner would think if they could see him shaving with it.

But he drops everything when he hears Nikota and Karger drag the body through; being civilised can wait because he’s _starving_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's vital that he doesn't grow a beard, because it would be a real hassle to clean the blood out.


	9. Blood and Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's blood is it anyway?

Jaspar continued to lick his hands, though the taste of blood had long faded. He was still hungry of course. No quantity of meat would fix that. He checked the floor one last time, making absolutely certain that he’d not missed any. 

Nikota and Karger were waiting a short distance away, watching cautiously for signs that it was safe to come closer. They always stayed outside of his reach while he was eating, while they trusted him they also knew better than to take unnecessary risks.

“It’s ok, I’m finished.” He stood up and stretched, enjoying having the space to do so, even though the collar was heavy around his neck. Looking down at his family it tugged at his heartstrings how small and fragile they seemed. 

Translation was sudden and violent. Jaspar was knocked to the floor and watched stunned as hands and faces pushed through the walls, mouths open in silent screams. Once formed they froze, and blood oozed from the gaping metal mouths. Jaspar grabbed Karger (who was on the floor next to him) and Nikota (who was trapped beneath his legs) and pressed them tightly against his chest. 

Faces vomited blood from all sides, there was no safe corner to retreat to. Jaspar shuffled back into the centre of the room, only relaxing his grip once he was certain the wall weren’t going to change any further. “I think we’re safe. Are you hurt?” 

Nikota pushed back against him to give herself some space, but Karger remained stiff in his arms. “m’alright. Wha-“ her words tailed off as she noticed the faces.

Jaspar felt Karger nod and set them both down, with the initial panic over his attention was drawn back to the walls, and the blood. It smelled really good, and it certainly looked like blood. He advanced cautiously and stuck his tongue in the stream pouring from the face’s mouth.

“BLLBLLELELELE!” Nikota and Karger looked over at him with concern. Jaspar shuddered again and wiped the rest of the ash off his tongue with his hands before explaining sadly. “It’s not human blood.” 

Karger laughed. “F’course ‘tisn’t, ‘t’s wall blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why would walls bleed any other sort of blood? That would be ridiculous


End file.
